Monday, February 3, 2014

Pre-school

There have been a LOT of big changes in the children's lives lately. They have endured a separation between me and their Father which hurts them a lot plus a house move to another area. A change in their daily home-educating lifestyle, less of the normal structured classes we had been doing, the loss of their dog (so no daily walk in the woods), seeing different friends due to the move and a change in the structure of their week. Plus the separation, though a welcome and long-needed change in my life, took it's emotional toll on me. It was hard going there with all the changes and we are still working through the divorce settlement through mediation. It's stressful and with the best will in the world it is hard to avoid that impacting on the children. I do my best, they get a lot of love and attention but I have had days where it was hard to get through feeling so unsure about the future and how I would raise them.  Things are getting better and once the divorce is finalised I am confident we will be able to buy our own little house and get on with a happy (though we won't have a lot of money, we will manage fine) home educating and happy, enriched life together.

Spring is coming, Winter has been tough but it has meant we have stayed indoors and settled into our new (though temporary until the marital home is sold) house. We will be outdoors again soon, reading books on picnic blankets, identifying plants, walking, climbing trees, cycling, doing maths by counting daffodils and tulips (cant wait) and so many other little things we always did together.

Some of you will know that Miles started pre-school recently. I really hoped this would work for us. The reason for putting him in was truthfully, to give me a little bit of space to work with Caden one on one. I thought that as he is a very sociable chap anyway he would take to it well. We have been doing this for a month and this is what I have found.

Initially Miles was very upset. He cried when I left him and was very upset still when I went back after 45 minutes though it was good to hear they had been able to calm him down. I was very keen to try get this to work and determined to give it a decent go. I put this down to his initial 'getting used to it' stage.

Miles has wet his pants each time he has been at pre-school though he was toilet trained last Spring, for nearly a year now. I have tried to help them to sort this out but it is a bit of a problem and Miles looked so worried about it last time I saw him when the carer was changing him. She seemed cross and I wondered if he had been told off about it. He says he doesn't want to go and cries on the way there. His words are 'I want to be with you Mummy'. He loves being with Caden, they have always been together and get strength from each other. They get along so well. Miles is well socialised already through his home educating experiences, he has never been in an insititution. Unlike Caden at this age who already was introverted (before he started pre school too) the pre-school simply highlighted Caden's social introversion and his need to physically explore the world rather than take instruction and 'tow the line'. He likes to fidget and move and he didn't do well being made to sit still, he still cannot do this well. Miles is more laid back and I think this means that while he is able to socialise with the children there well, his distress is less obvious because he is coping with it in a different way. He does do as he is told but it is clear to me as his Mother that he is quite distressed about pre-school, he misses Caden and I and the small benefit to me isn't weighing up in the balance.

Miles has started having nightmares and has become very clingy in the day time. He gets very upset if he gets left in other places and the night times are quite hard as I am ending up sleeping with the boys again in their bed. Miles has started to get very upset if I leave him when he is falling asleep. By the time he is asleep, I am asleep and I end up sleeping there which means I don't sleep so well and we are all tired again in the morning. I believe it is too much for Miles to attend pre-school so while it was worth a try, I am not continuing with it. They are perfectly fine home educating together and as I said before, the small benefit to me isn't worth him being sad. He does the same things there as he does at home with me and with his friends in the week. Except he gets more freedom around those exercises, like drawing outside on the pavement instead of on an easel, playing with children in the park and at his house (and theirs, and play groups when we attend) and he is with the people he loves and that he feels safe with.

It is a shame he was put through this for me to realise but I felt strongly that I wanted to give it a go for Miles. It was about 6 months with Caden before I pulled him out but with Miles we already have a steady home ed. life at home for him to stay within, I don't need to spend months exploring the 'alternative' option. It's right here and I know he is happy and making great progress.

He was very happy today when I told him "no more preschool Miles". Caden was very happy about it too. He loves having Milesy around.

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